We Feel So Deeply — And Then We Start Believing We Are What We Feel
Why Emotions Feel So Personal (And Why They Can Feel So Overwhelming)
Emotions don’t live only in our thoughts — they live in our bodies.
They arrive as sensations:
So when an emotion shows up, it doesn’t feel abstract.
It feels intimate.
Immediate.
Close.
The nervous system doesn’t say,
“An emotion is passing through.”
It says,
“This is happening to me.”
And without realizing it, we begin to believe the feeling tells the whole truth.
It starts to feel like:
That’s where suffering really begins — not because we feel something hard, but because we believe the emotion is permanent or personal.
But emotions aren’t permanent truths.
They are experiences.
They are waves moving through us.
They arrive as sensations:
- a tight chest
- heat rising in the face
- a lump in the throat
- a flutter in the stomach
- heaviness behind the eyes
So when an emotion shows up, it doesn’t feel abstract.
It feels intimate.
Immediate.
Close.
The nervous system doesn’t say,
“An emotion is passing through.”
It says,
“This is happening to me.”
And without realizing it, we begin to believe the feeling tells the whole truth.
It starts to feel like:
- this is who I am
- this is what life is like
- this is how it’s always going to be
That’s where suffering really begins — not because we feel something hard, but because we believe the emotion is permanent or personal.
But emotions aren’t permanent truths.
They are experiences.
They are waves moving through us.
The Science: Emotions Are Waves, Not Identities
Neuroscience offers an important reframe here.
Research shows that the initial biochemical surge of an emotion lasts about 90 seconds — if it isn’t re-triggered by thought.
In other words, the emotion itself is brief.
What keeps emotions alive is usually what follows:
The emotion moves.
The meaning we attach to it lingers.
When we practice emotional awareness — staying present with the physical sensation rather than the story — the emotional wave is able to complete itself.
This is one of the foundations of emotional regulation and nervous system health.
Research shows that the initial biochemical surge of an emotion lasts about 90 seconds — if it isn’t re-triggered by thought.
In other words, the emotion itself is brief.
What keeps emotions alive is usually what follows:
- replaying the story
- judging ourselves for feeling
- resisting the sensation
- fearing what the emotion means
- telling ourselves we shouldn’t feel this way
The emotion moves.
The meaning we attach to it lingers.
When we practice emotional awareness — staying present with the physical sensation rather than the story — the emotional wave is able to complete itself.
This is one of the foundations of emotional regulation and nervous system health.
Being Human Means Feeling — Not Becoming
One of the most freeing things I’ve learned is this:
Feeling deeply is not the problem. Identifying with what we feel is.
Emotions are not a flaw.
They’re not a failure of inner work.
They’re not proof that something is wrong.
They are part of being human.
They are information.
They are movement.
They are the body communicating.
But they were never meant to become our identity.
Freedom begins when we can gently say:
“This is happening — and it is not who I am.”
Feeling deeply is not the problem. Identifying with what we feel is.
Emotions are not a flaw.
They’re not a failure of inner work.
They’re not proof that something is wrong.
They are part of being human.
They are information.
They are movement.
They are the body communicating.
But they were never meant to become our identity.
Freedom begins when we can gently say:
“This is happening — and it is not who I am.”
A Personal Example: My Luteal Phase and Emotional Awareness
This understanding becomes especially clear for me during the luteal phase of my cycle.
During this time, I usually wake up with emotions already present:
In the past, I would immediately think:
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why am I like this today?”
“I need to fix this before I talk to anyone.”
Now, I understand something different.
I recognize that these emotions are an experience — not my identity.
I notice the waves as they come throughout the day.
I don’t judge them.
I don’t suppress them.
And I don’t let them motivate my actions.
This is where emotional regulation becomes lived — not theoretical.
During this time, I usually wake up with emotions already present:
- irritation
- sadness
- frustration
- sensitivity
- anger without a clear story
In the past, I would immediately think:
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why am I like this today?”
“I need to fix this before I talk to anyone.”
Now, I understand something different.
I recognize that these emotions are an experience — not my identity.
I notice the waves as they come throughout the day.
I don’t judge them.
I don’t suppress them.
And I don’t let them motivate my actions.
This is where emotional regulation becomes lived — not theoretical.
What This Looks Like in Real Life (The R_SET™ in Action)
When an emotional wave arises, I move through it with The R_SET like this:
1. Recognize
I name what’s present without interpretation.
“I feel anger.”
“I feel heavy.”
“I feel emotional today.”
2. Respect
I remind myself:
“This is allowed.”
“This doesn’t mean anything is wrong.”
“This is part of my body’s rhythm.”
3. Release
Release is often simple:
Most of the time, the wave completes itself naturally.
4. Rest
I pause.
I sit in silence.
I allow my nervous system to settle.
Realign
Then I choose how I want to show up — not from the emotion, but from who I want to be.
Here is the thing: emotions are valid, absolutely, but our actions are still our responsibility.
1. Recognize
I name what’s present without interpretation.
“I feel anger.”
“I feel heavy.”
“I feel emotional today.”
2. Respect
I remind myself:
“This is allowed.”
“This doesn’t mean anything is wrong.”
“This is part of my body’s rhythm.”
3. Release
Release is often simple:
- sitting with the sensation
- letting it fully be there
- allowing tears if they come
- breathing and feeling instead of analyzing
Most of the time, the wave completes itself naturally.
4. Rest
I pause.
I sit in silence.
I allow my nervous system to settle.
Realign
Then I choose how I want to show up — not from the emotion, but from who I want to be.
Here is the thing: emotions are valid, absolutely, but our actions are still our responsibility.
Respecting Emotions Without Letting Them Run Our Lives
This is the heart of emotional maturity.
We don’t bypass emotions.
We don’t suppress them.
And we don’t shame ourselves for feeling.
But we also don’t give emotions the steering wheel.
We can respect what the body is experiencing and choose presence.
We can allow the feeling and choose our response.
And what took me even longer to realize (gently) is: that’s not repression.
That’s what they mean when they say: integration.
This is HOW you integrate the work. You can study and learn about it all you want, but the integration is where the magic and changes actually happen.
We don’t bypass emotions.
We don’t suppress them.
And we don’t shame ourselves for feeling.
But we also don’t give emotions the steering wheel.
We can respect what the body is experiencing and choose presence.
We can allow the feeling and choose our response.
And what took me even longer to realize (gently) is: that’s not repression.
That’s what they mean when they say: integration.
This is HOW you integrate the work. You can study and learn about it all you want, but the integration is where the magic and changes actually happen.
The Quiet Freedom of Emotional Awareness
When we stop identifying with emotions, something subtle but powerful happens:
We begin to trust ourselves.
We realize:
I can feel deeply without losing myself.
And that trust creates real calm.
- grief moves without swallowing us
- anger passes without becoming damage
- sadness softens instead of hardening
- joy is enjoyed without fear of losing it
- sensitivity becomes information, not identity
We begin to trust ourselves.
We realize:
I can feel deeply without losing myself.
And that trust creates real calm.
Final Thoughts: You Are the One Who Notices
You are not the anger.
You are not the sadness.
You are not the frustration.
You are not the fear.
You are the one who notices them.
You are the awareness they move through.
You are the presence beneath the wave.
You are the steady place emotions pass through — not the storm itself.
And every time you remember that,
you come back to yourself.
You are not the sadness.
You are not the frustration.
You are not the fear.
You are the one who notices them.
You are the awareness they move through.
You are the presence beneath the wave.
You are the steady place emotions pass through — not the storm itself.
And every time you remember that,
you come back to yourself.
Sara Mitich
Actor | Speaker
Founder of Gratitude & Growth
Creator of The R_SET™ Method
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