When Being Open Turned Into Assuming I Was Wrong
The Hidden Cost of Always Deferring to Others
There’s a version of people-pleasing that doesn’t look like saying yes to everything.
It looks like constantly questioning your own knowing.
It looks like:
I wasn’t trying to disappear.
I was trying to get it right.
But the message my nervous system absorbed was subtle and consistent:
“Your experience isn’t enough yet.”
And that message compounds.
It looks like constantly questioning your own knowing.
It looks like:
- needing more certifications before speaking
- seeking external validation before trusting an insight
- assuming others’ experiences carry more weight than your own
- feeling unsure even when something has worked for you
I wasn’t trying to disappear.
I was trying to get it right.
But the message my nervous system absorbed was subtle and consistent:
“Your experience isn’t enough yet.”
And that message compounds.
When Curiosity Becomes a Way to Avoid Trusting Yourself
Curiosity is a beautiful thing.
It expands us.
It keeps us open.
It prevents rigidity and ego.
But curiosity without self-trust becomes dangerous.
It turns into:
At some point, my curiosity stopped serving my growth and started undermining my confidence.
I wasn’t learning because I was inspired—I was learning because I didn’t trust what I already knew.
It expands us.
It keeps us open.
It prevents rigidity and ego.
But curiosity without self-trust becomes dangerous.
It turns into:
- endless learning instead of integration
- constant searching instead of embodiment
- consuming instead of applying
- outsourcing authority instead of cultivating it
At some point, my curiosity stopped serving my growth and started undermining my confidence.
I wasn’t learning because I was inspired—I was learning because I didn’t trust what I already knew.
Why This Pattern Feels So Familiar to Growth-Oriented People
This pattern is especially common in people who:
We’re often praised for being open, flexible, and teachable.
But no one teaches us where openness ends and self-abandonment begins.
And no one teaches us that humility doesn’t require self-doubt.
- are empathetic
- are emotionally aware
- value growth and self-reflection
- don’t want to be “that person” who thinks they know everything
We’re often praised for being open, flexible, and teachable.
But no one teaches us where openness ends and self-abandonment begins.
And no one teaches us that humility doesn’t require self-doubt.
The Nervous System Piece No One Talks About
When you consistently assume you’re wrong, your nervous system stays in a subtle state of submission.
Not collapse—but deference.
The body learns:
This isn’t a mindset issue.
It’s a safety strategy.
And like all strategies rooted in safety, it once served a purpose.
But when it becomes automatic, it limits us.
Not collapse—but deference.
The body learns:
- it’s safer not to take up space
- it’s safer to wait for permission
- it’s safer to let others lead
This isn’t a mindset issue.
It’s a safety strategy.
And like all strategies rooted in safety, it once served a purpose.
But when it becomes automatic, it limits us.
When I Started Needing to Prove Instead of Trust
Here’s the turning point for me.
After years of assuming I was wrong, something shifted.
Instead of shrinking, I started proving.
More courses.
More certifications.
More research.
More content consumption.
I wasn’t building confidence—I was trying to earn it.
And the irony is this:
The more I tried to prove myself, the less grounded I felt.
Because confidence doesn’t come from accumulation.
It comes from integration.
After years of assuming I was wrong, something shifted.
Instead of shrinking, I started proving.
More courses.
More certifications.
More research.
More content consumption.
I wasn’t building confidence—I was trying to earn it.
And the irony is this:
The more I tried to prove myself, the less grounded I felt.
Because confidence doesn’t come from accumulation.
It comes from integration.
Your Experience Is Enough (And So Is Theirs)
One of the biggest shifts for me was realizing this truth:
My experience is enough for me.
And their experience is enough for them.
It doesn’t need to be a competition.
It doesn’t need to be compared.
It doesn’t need to be validated externally.
When I stopped needing my experience to be universal, I was finally able to trust it.
And something beautiful happened.
The more I honored my own knowing, the more naturally I honored others’.
That’s the reciprocal nature of life:
What you give yourself, you give the world.
My experience is enough for me.
And their experience is enough for them.
It doesn’t need to be a competition.
It doesn’t need to be compared.
It doesn’t need to be validated externally.
When I stopped needing my experience to be universal, I was finally able to trust it.
And something beautiful happened.
The more I honored my own knowing, the more naturally I honored others’.
That’s the reciprocal nature of life:
What you give yourself, you give the world.
Authority Without Ego, Confidence Without Force
True authority doesn’t need to announce itself.
It doesn’t push.
It doesn’t argue.
It doesn’t convince.
It’s quiet.
Grounded.
Present.
It sounds like:
That kind of confidence doesn’t threaten anyone.
And it doesn’t abandon you.
It doesn’t push.
It doesn’t argue.
It doesn’t convince.
It’s quiet.
Grounded.
Present.
It sounds like:
- “This has been true for me.”
- “This is what I’ve learned through experience.”
- “You’re free to take what resonates.”
That kind of confidence doesn’t threaten anyone.
And it doesn’t abandon you.
A Gentle Practice to Rebuild Self-Trust
When you notice yourself immediately assuming you’re wrong, try this:
Pause.
Breathe.
And ask:
“What do I know to be true from my own experience?”
Not what you read.
Not what someone else said.
Not what you think you should believe.
What you’ve lived.
Then let that be enough—for now.
Self-trust is built through small acts of self-honoring, not grand declarations.
Pause.
Breathe.
And ask:
“What do I know to be true from my own experience?”
Not what you read.
Not what someone else said.
Not what you think you should believe.
What you’ve lived.
Then let that be enough—for now.
Self-trust is built through small acts of self-honoring, not grand declarations.
Confidence Grows When You Stop Outsourcing Yourself
You don’t need to become rigid.
You don’t need to close yourself off.
You don’t need to be louder or more certain.
You simply need to stop leaving yourself out of the conversation.
Curiosity can coexist with confidence.
Openness can coexist with authority.
Growth can coexist with trust.
And when they do, something settles.
You don’t need to close yourself off.
You don’t need to be louder or more certain.
You simply need to stop leaving yourself out of the conversation.
Curiosity can coexist with confidence.
Openness can coexist with authority.
Growth can coexist with trust.
And when they do, something settles.
Final Reflection: You Are Allowed to Trust Yourself
If you’ve spent most of your life assuming you’re wrong, know this:
There’s nothing broken about you.
There’s nothing missing.
There’s nothing you need to prove.
Your experience matters.
Your knowing counts.
Your voice doesn’t need permission.
Learning to trust yourself isn’t about becoming someone new.
It’s about coming back to yourself.
There’s nothing broken about you.
There’s nothing missing.
There’s nothing you need to prove.
Your experience matters.
Your knowing counts.
Your voice doesn’t need permission.
Learning to trust yourself isn’t about becoming someone new.
It’s about coming back to yourself.
Sara Mitich
Actor | Speaker
Founder of Gratitude & Growth
Creator of The R_SET™ Method
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