The Subtle Ways We Resist Our Own Life
Resistance Isn’t Wrong — It’s Protective
One of the most important things I want to say right away is this:
Resistance isn’t a failure. It’s a form of protection.
We resist because:
Resistance is the nervous system trying to keep us safe.
It’s the body saying,
“I don’t know if this is okay yet.”
So the goal isn’t to eliminate resistance or judge it.
The goal is to understand what it’s doing — and what it’s costing us.
Resistance isn’t a failure. It’s a form of protection.
We resist because:
- something feels uncomfortable
- something feels uncertain
- something feels unfamiliar
- something touches an old wound
- something threatens our sense of control
Resistance is the nervous system trying to keep us safe.
It’s the body saying,
“I don’t know if this is okay yet.”
So the goal isn’t to eliminate resistance or judge it.
The goal is to understand what it’s doing — and what it’s costing us.
The Science: What Resistance Does to the Nervous System
When we resist what’s happening, the nervous system reads the moment as a threat.
Even if nothing is “wrong,” the body doesn’t know that.
Resistance activates:
In other words, the body prepares for danger.
And when this becomes our default way of meeting life, we live in a near-constant state of bracing.
This is why resistance is exhausting.
Not because life is unbearable — but because we are constantly fighting the moment we’re in.
What we resist doesn’t move through us.
It tightens.
It lingers.
It persists.
Even if nothing is “wrong,” the body doesn’t know that.
Resistance activates:
- the sympathetic nervous system
- shallow breathing
- muscle tension
- mental urgency
- hypervigilance
In other words, the body prepares for danger.
And when this becomes our default way of meeting life, we live in a near-constant state of bracing.
This is why resistance is exhausting.
Not because life is unbearable — but because we are constantly fighting the moment we’re in.
What we resist doesn’t move through us.
It tightens.
It lingers.
It persists.
Why Resistance Makes Life Feel Heavier Than It Is
Resistance adds a second layer of suffering.
There’s the experience itself —
and then there’s our relationship to it.
When we resist, we:
So even neutral or manageable experiences begin to feel heavy.
We’re not just living life — we’re pushing against it.
And pushing against life is what drains us.
There’s the experience itself —
and then there’s our relationship to it.
When we resist, we:
- tense against reality
- replay the moment in our minds
- wait for relief instead of allowing presence
- believe happiness lives somewhere else
So even neutral or manageable experiences begin to feel heavy.
We’re not just living life — we’re pushing against it.
And pushing against life is what drains us.
A Practice That Changed My Relationship With Resistance
Lately, I’ve been practicing something simple — and surprisingly powerful.
Whenever I notice resistance, I gently say to myself:
“This moment is perfect.”
Not perfect in the sense that I like it.
Not perfect because it’s comfortable.
Not perfect because I want it to stay.
Perfect because it’s what’s here.
The moment I say it, something softens.
My shoulders drop.
My breath deepens.
My mind quiets.
I move out of fighting the moment — and into meeting it.
That single sentence brings me back into immediate presence.
Whenever I notice resistance, I gently say to myself:
“This moment is perfect.”
Not perfect in the sense that I like it.
Not perfect because it’s comfortable.
Not perfect because I want it to stay.
Perfect because it’s what’s here.
The moment I say it, something softens.
My shoulders drop.
My breath deepens.
My mind quiets.
I move out of fighting the moment — and into meeting it.
That single sentence brings me back into immediate presence.
What Acceptance Actually Is (And What It’s Not)
Acceptance is often misunderstood.
Acceptance does not mean:
Acceptance means:
“This is what’s here right now — and I’m willing to be with it.”
It’s an opening.
A softening.
A shift from resistance to presence.
And presence is where regulation begins.
Acceptance does not mean:
- approving of what’s happening
- liking the situation
- giving up
- staying stuck
- saying “this is fine” when it’s not
Acceptance means:
“This is what’s here right now — and I’m willing to be with it.”
It’s an opening.
A softening.
A shift from resistance to presence.
And presence is where regulation begins.
The Spiritual Shift That Happens When We Stop Resisting
There is something deeply spiritual that happens when we stop trying to escape the moment we’re in.
When we accept what’s here:
We move out of when this is over and into this is my life.
And that shift changes everything.
When we accept what’s here:
- life feels lighter
- compassion grows naturally
- judgment softens
- we stop bracing against ourselves
- we meet others with more patience
- we stop waiting for life to begin
We move out of when this is over and into this is my life.
And that shift changes everything.
Living In the Moment Instead of Trying to Get Out of It
So much of our stress comes from this belief:
“I’ll be okay once this passes.”
But life is made of moments like this one.
When we keep trying to get out of them, we miss the only place life is actually happening.
Presence doesn’t require a perfect moment.
It requires a willing one.
And willingness is always available to us.
“I’ll be okay once this passes.”
But life is made of moments like this one.
When we keep trying to get out of them, we miss the only place life is actually happening.
Presence doesn’t require a perfect moment.
It requires a willing one.
And willingness is always available to us.
Final Thoughts: What If We Stopped Fighting Life?
What if nothing is wrong with this moment?
What if we don’t need to fix it, rush it, or escape it?
What if the invitation isn’t to resist — but to soften?
When we stop resisting life, we stop resisting ourselves.
And in that softening,
we return to presence.
What if we don’t need to fix it, rush it, or escape it?
What if the invitation isn’t to resist — but to soften?
When we stop resisting life, we stop resisting ourselves.
And in that softening,
we return to presence.
Sara Mitich
Actor | Speaker
Founder of Gratitude & Growth
Creator of The R_SET™ Method
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