The Quiet Pressure We Don't Talk About Enough
Perfectionism is sneaky.
It doesn’t always sound like “I have to be perfect.” Sometimes, it shows up as over-preparing, second-guessing, shrinking, over-apologizing, or putting something off because “it’s not ready yet.”
I’ve felt it in almost every area of my life.
- In my work as an actor—especially in auditions—feeling like I had to do it the perfect way instead of the true way.
- In relationships—trying to show up as the ideal partner, the flawless friend, the always-put-together one.
- Even in my healing and spiritual work—thinking I had to be perfectly “evolved,” calm, or emotionally regulated to be worthy of teaching or helping others.
Perfectionism isn’t about being your best.
It’s about being afraid that who you are isn’t enough.
And that’s where we begin.
What Is Perfectionism, Really?
Perfectionism isn’t about high standards—it’s about fear.
It’s the fear of:
- Being seen and judged
- Making a mistake
- Falling short
- Letting someone down
- Not being in control
Perfectionism tells us that if we can just do it right enough, perfect enough, we’ll finally be safe. Loved. Approved of.
But that feeling never comes. Because perfectionism isn’t rooted in truth—it’s rooted in avoidance.
It pulls us out of presence and into performance.
It disconnects us from authenticity in pursuit of acceptance.
And the hardest part?
It can look a lot like trying your best.
Perfectionism vs. Doing Your Best: What’s the Difference?
This is where it gets tricky—because perfectionism often disguises itself as ambition, excellence, or a strong work ethic.
But the energy underneath is completely different.
Perfectionism is driven by fear or shame. It’s outcome-obsessed, tied to external approval, and often fueled by all-or-nothing thinking. It drains you emotionally and makes you feel like you’re never enough. It sounds like, “It has to be flawless,” and often leads to avoidance—of starting, finishing, or sharing.
Doing your best, on the other hand, is rooted in care and presence. It’s process-oriented, internally guided, and grounded in self-respect. It allows for flexibility and compassion. It might sound like, “I gave what I could today,” and it helps you take action—even if things aren’t perfect.
The bottom line?
Perfectionism is pressure. Doing your best is presence.
And when we learn to recognize that difference, we begin to set ourselves free.
How Perfectionism Shows Up (Even When We Don’t Realize It)
It doesn’t always announce itself. Sometimes, it whispers:
- “If I can’t do it perfectly, I won’t do it at all.”
- “What if they think I’m not enough?”
- “I need more time to make it better.”
- “I should be farther along by now.”
Perfectionism doesn’t just live in the things we obsess over—it lives in the things we avoid. The dreams we delay. The projects we never share. The parts of ourselves we hide.
Where I’ve Seen It in My Life
In acting, especially with self-tapes and auditions, I used to believe there was a right way to deliver a scene. I’d try to guess what they wanted. What the casting director might love. I wanted to be perfect for them—even if that meant disconnecting from what felt true for me.
It’s something I see so many creatives wrestle with: the tension between perfection and authenticity.
I’ve also felt it in relationships—wanting to be easy, liked, needed, “low maintenance.” And in personal growth—wondering if I had to be more spiritual, more emotionally regulated, more “healed” before I could show up in the world.
But here’s what I know now:
Perfectionism doesn’t make you better. It just makes you smaller.
And authenticity? That’s where your real power is.
How to Begin Loosening the Grip of Perfectionism
You don’t have to fix your perfectionism overnight. But you can begin to soften it. To meet it with curiosity, and even kindness.
Here’s what helps me—and might help you too:
1. Name It When It’s Happening
Start noticing when perfectionism is at play. Awareness is the first step. Ask yourself:
- “Am I doing this from presence or pressure?”
- “Is this about love—or about fear?”
- “What would this look like if I let it be easy?”
2. Choose Progress Over Perfection
Try replacing “perfect” with “true” or “honest” or “real.”
- Instead of “Did I do it right?” ask, “Did I show up with care?”
- Instead of “Is this perfect?” ask, “Is this aligned with my heart?”
3. Let It Be Enough
This is the hardest part—but the most healing.
Let the version of you that tried today be enough.
Let the project that’s 90% done still go out into the world.
Let the conversation that felt vulnerable stand without over-explaining.
Let the small step count, even if the big one still feels far away.
4. Return to Self-Compassion
You’re not behind. You’re becoming.
Perfectionism often stems from an inner belief that we are only lovable when we perform. But the truth is: you are already worthy. You don’t have to earn it through exhaustion.
Compassion isn’t complacency. It’s the fuel that makes consistent growth possible.
A Final Reflection
Perfectionism tells you that if you’re flawless, you’ll finally be enough.
But the truth is—you’ve always been enough.
You don’t need to be perfect to be impactful.
You don’t need to be perfect to be loved.
You don’t need to be perfect to begin.
So if perfectionism is whispering today, meet it with presence.
Not to silence it—but to remind it:
We don’t have to live from that story anymore.
You can do your best, from love. You can grow, from self-respect.
And you can be fully yourself—even when it’s messy, even when it’s imperfect—and still be deeply, wildly enough.
Sara Mitich
Actor | Transformational Life Coach | Founder of Gratitude & Growth
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