Curiosity Over Expectation: The Key to Freedom, Creativity, and Growth

When we live with rigid expectations, we're in a constant state of tension. Our nervous system is on high alert, scanning for whether things are going "right" or "wrong." Expectation creates stress, anxiety, and often disappointment. It causes us to become reactive rather than responsive, defensive rather than open.

In relationships, expectations lead to resentment. Instead of being present and seeing the other person for who they are, we focus on who they should be, how they should act, or what they should say. This creates a cycle of frustration and disconnection.

Even in personal growth, in the "inner work" (as I call it), expectations create resistance. When we expect ourselves to be at a certain place in life by a certain time, we miss the beauty of where we actually are. When we attach our self-worth to external milestones, and then when we don’t meet them, we feel like we’ve failed.

Curiosity is the antidote. It replaces rigidity with openness, tension with ease, and control with flow. When we choose curiosity over expectation, we free ourselves from self-imposed limitations and allow life to unfold in ways we never imagined.

Instead of asking: Why isn’t this going the way I want? Ask: What can I learn from this?

Instead of assuming you know someone’s intentions, get curious about their perspective.

Instead of shutting down in frustration, ask yourself: What else might be possible here?

Curiosity removes pressure. It encourages play. It allows you to explore without the fear of failure because there’s nothing to fail at—only things to discover.

One of the most transformative things you can do is to turn curiosity inward. Instead of being hard on yourself, get curious about why you do the things you do. Ask yourself:

Most of the time, we are judging or criticizing ourselves or our actions when we don't meet those rigid expectations. When we approach ourselves with curiosity instead, we stop judging and start understanding. This is where real transformation happens because once you can understand you have the launching pad to start implementing the steps to change. You can't change something "you don't like about yourself" if you can honestly and open-heartedly understand where it's coming from.

Curiosity is also the foundation of creativity. The best ideas don’t come from force—they come from exploration. Creativity thrives in an environment where it is allowed to roam freely, without the constraints of expectation. I am the most creative when I am present and curious. This blog, all of Gratitude & Growth has come from my curiosity about life. About who and what we are. It's my curiosity that has led to the most creative fulfillment I have ever experienced.

And if you're stuck with writers block, or some other kind of creative block, replace the phrase in your head of "I have to create something great" with "I wonder what would happen if I tried this." What happens is you immediately remove pressure and allow inspiration to flow naturally. Inspiration loves curiosity, it does not love personal preferences and rigid expectations.

This is another magic outcome to being curious: if something in your life isn’t working - whether it's getting a job, a partner, a house - don’t get upset, angry, judgement - get curious. Instead of being frustrated, ask yourself:

Curiosity has the power to break cycles because it invites you to look beyond your current perspective and find new ways of thinking, feeling, and doing. And once you can change your perspective, you can change the outcome. Usually we're stuck on a hamster wheel because we're having the same thoughts over and over again (and they usually aren't thoughts that are conducive to what we want). Curiosity stops the hamster wheel and let's you reframe and realign with another way of thinking. 

The people who have worked with me—those who have done the inner work and applied this shift—have seen profound changes. Simply replacing judgment with curiosity has transformed relationships, alleviated stress, and reignited creativity.

One person who struggled with anxiety and self-doubt learned to approach their fears with curiosity rather than resistance. Instead of saying, "I shouldn’t feel this way," they started asking, "What is this feeling trying to teach me?" This shift alone reduced their anxiety and helped them navigate emotions with greater ease.

Another person who felt stuck in their career replaced 'Why am I not successful yet?' with 'What can I explore that excites me?' They stopped attaching their worth to an outcome and instead followed their curiosity, which led them to opportunities they never would have considered before.

This shift has changed my life as well. When I release expectation and lean into curiosity, I move through life with more peace, joy, and creative flow. I experience the fullness of each moment rather than trying to control it. Curiosity is one of the easiest avenues to surrender. Just get curious about the outcome instead of lacing expectation of how something should go.